ABOUT ME
Welcome to my world—a journey that spans across continents, cultures, and the deepest corners of the human experience. I am Ali, a shoemaker’s son born amidst the rich culture and ancient beauty of Iran, a country I cherish as my motherland. A country that nearly half a century ago, found itself yet again at crossroads, choosing to navigate through the shadows, a decision that came at the cost of distancing itself from its ancient beauty and vast cultural tapestry.
In my earliest years, from birth until around age five or six, I basked in what felt to me like a glimpse of heaven. But then, gradually and almost imperceptibly, fragments of that bliss were stolen from me. Day by day, my world was poisoned as I grew up in the dark realm of my country, home, surrounded by family members, neighbors, relatives, schools, and eventually society itself.
As a child, I had no inkling of the insidious forces that sought to corrode my very essence—mind, body, and soul. In my youthful ignorance, I probably thought these trials were simply the path to growing up, that life naturally unfolded in this harsh manner. Little did I know, the shadows cast upon my path would one day pursue me relentlessly.
Yet, even in my innocence, a part of me knew something was wrong. A quiet sadness lurked behind the facade of my vibrant, energetic exterior, slowly transforming me from a joyful boy into what society likes to label as an "introvert." In this solitary world, my mind brimmed with countless questions but no one to ask them of—no one except the mysterious god above the skies whom everyone spoke of.
On rare few occasions, I dared to question aloud during religious classes at school. But this courage was met with physical punishment, silencing my curiosity, and making it clear that my questions were safer left unspoken, hidden within the recesses of my mind. And so began the end of my story of seeking answers from others, forcing me to retreat into a silent world of unanswered questions.
Embracing the mystical realm, right from early childhood, I ventured forth with an insatiable curiosity, diving into my ocean of questions that seemed endless. Yet, with each inquiry, I learned that the depths of the universe held both treasures and trials. I came to understand, perhaps later than I should have, the need for caution in my questioning, aware that the answers I sought might come with unexpected costs, as well as rewards.
After living about 19 years in Iran, the chapters that followed for me unfolded across the globe, making homes in many countries including Russia, Ukraine, and the United States— four nations including my motherland entwined in complex narratives of conflict, reminiscent of the battles I've faced within. Observing these countries, each a home to me, in discord has been a poignant reflection of my own internal strife, akin to watching all of your homes at war.
Starting from my motherland and then as I traversed from country to country, a cacophony of voices echoed sentiments of hate and division: "those Americans," "those Arabs," "those Iraqis," "those Turks," "those Azeris," "those Armenians," "those Israelis," "those Palestinians," "those Chinese," "those Japanese," "those Kurds," "those Spanish," "those Russians," "those Ukrainians," "those Iranians," and countless other. The sheer volume of hatred carried by so many toward one another was staggering and profoundly disheartening. What struck me most was the generational nature of some of this animosity, passed down from ancestors to descendants like a toxic inheritance.
Amidst our relentless pursuit of technological and scientific conquests, it became painfully apparent to me personally that our progress in understanding and accepting our own existence has lagged far behind. While we hurtle forward on the train of progress, propelled by the engines of innovation and discovery, we seem to have made little headway in overcoming the deeply ingrained prejudices that divide us. In this whirlwind of advancement, the echoes of age-old hatreds persist, casting a shadow over our collective journey as we struggle to transcend the barriers that separate us.
In my quest for understanding, there were moments when mere observation proved insufficient, compelling me to immerse myself in the very heart of the matter. I spared no expense, utilizing both my finances and physical being in countless endeavors to decipher the intricacies of our existence as human. From delving into the depths of the human psyche to grappling with the complexities of deceit, I spared no effort in my pursuit of learning on my own way and terms. And even to this day, my journey of discovery continues unabated. Nevertheless, I now approach my inquiries with greater caution, mindful of the lessons learned from the prices I've paid along the way. These experiences have endowed me with tools of discernment, shaping my being and guiding my quest for understanding. Amidst this relentless pursuit, I've gleaned also invaluable lessons from my own actions, choices, and trials.
My journey has not been just about geographic relocation; it has been a quest for understanding, learning, and most profoundly "The Thousand Tongues of the Heart", leading me to every corner of the globe and every shadowed recess of our existence. In my journey, I've beheld countless iterations of love, each veiled beneath its own unique guise. From the tender care of mothers and fathers to the bonds forged between siblings, friends, and even strangers, I've borne witness to the myriad expressions of human connection. Yet, amidst this vast panorama, I've also encountered its darker manifestations. I've watched as love is exploited, twisted into a tool for manipulation and control. I've seen mothers wield their children as pawns in their dark schemes, and individuals manipulate affection for personal gain. Some employ a system of rewards and punishments akin to training animals, all the while professing love. And some exploit the familial bonds for personal gain. And, as I navigated the journey of understanding the many languages of love, I may have inadvertently misinterpreted and mishandled its nuances at times.
Among all the countries I lived in, Ukraine in particular holds a treasured place in my narrative. A country that has imprinted itself deeply on my soul and amidst its trials, it was here that I encountered the transformative power of love—a force so profound that reshaped my understanding of life itself after over 33 years of seeking.
This encounter came at a time when I faced the darkest times of my existence, and this period of my life also marked the beginning of a challenging ordeal. On September 5th, 2020, I faced what felt like death, only to be reborn through the enduring love of my mother. This rebirth marked the beginning of an intense and profound inward journey. I turned to isolation for over three years and relentless work on multiple fronts while grappling with a physical agony invisible to others.
My pursuit for healing, propelled me across the globe, from the hidden corners of my own psyche to the far reaches of the world, seeking a cure for my physical ailment. I ventured across the globe in search. However, throughout this journey, I witnessed situations where seemed to require some form of exchange—whether financial, personal, or otherwise. It felt as though, for some, the idea of 'LOVE IS THE ANSWER' was intertwined with certain expectations, making it feel more like business as usual for some who I encountered on my path. Merchandising spirituality is indeed a strong trend too!
Another realization in my journey toward physical healing was that the mind may be swift to adapt and change, but the physical body requires time, patience, and the right conditions to mend—a realization echoed in the countless physical therapy sessions and treatments I've undergone, extending far beyond the initial prognosis of a quick fix, yet it remains a journey without a definitive end.
To rediscover that joyful boy that I fully lost by age seven, I had to endure thousands of deaths. I journeyed through hell and was repeatedly shattered, and along the way, I I found myself abused now by own choice hundreds of times, over and over again to reach the deepest core of my being as I desperately searched for the "self" while seeking to understand what truly meant for me "language of love and self-love".
These concepts seemed lost in the corridors and shadows of my past, with my existence scarred by almost over 30 years of different types of abuse since the tender age of 6 or 7. I searched every corner of my being to connect with the deep wounds of my childhood, buried deep within my core, seeking a way to heal from all the shadows and pain that had shaped my being. At the end, beside finding the boy I lost starting at that tender age, walking this path also provided me with insights that were initially hidden from the core of my existence.
These concepts seemed lost in the corridors and shadows of my past, with my existence scarred by almost over 30 years of different types of abuse since the tender age of 6 or 7. I searched every corner of my being to connect with the deep wounds of my childhood, buried deep within my core, seeking a way to heal from all the shadows and pain that had shaped my being. At the end, beside finding the boy I lost starting at that tender age, walking this path also provided me with insights that were initially hidden from the core of my existence.
At the outset, I envisioned bringing story of my journey to light, a tale vast as the ocean, teeming with encounters, travels, and revelations. Yet, like a sailor unable to capture the entire ocean in a single voyage, I found myself grappling with the enormity of my experiences. From the quiet observances of my childhood to the diverse encounters and myriad travels that followed, each moment offered a unique journey waiting to be explored. Though the prospect of encapsulating it all within the pages of a book seemed daunting, I resolved to share fragments of my odyssey on this very platform.
Henceforth, my physical limitations render me unable to immerse myself in the virtual realm, a domain I've inhabited for over 27 years. This incapacity prevents me from consistently generating and sharing daily content. However, I remain committed to sharing what I can, to the extent that my capabilities and inclinations permit. I am cognizant of the finite nature of my remaining time on this earth until I am called back to where I originated and have no intention of squandering all of it again in a virtual existence.
Life, in its infinite wisdom, rewarded my curiosity with a treasure trove of experiences. And now, as I embark on the voyage of sharing some of these tales, I invite you to join me in unraveling the mysteries that lie beneath the surface of existence and exploring the depths of human experience.
Please note that every image, story, and word on this website has been intentionally selected after two years of meticulous internal work, testing, and exploration. If you find yourself feeling triggered during your journey through this virtual realm, I kindly encourage you to close the website , pause for three deep breaths and reflect on your feelings. Should you find it difficult to resolve these feelings on your own,don’t hesitate to reach out. Instructions for contacting me can be found on the main page.
Please note that every image, story, and word on this website has been intentionally selected after two years of meticulous internal work, testing, and exploration. If you find yourself feeling triggered during your journey through this virtual realm, I kindly encourage you to close the website , pause for three deep breaths and reflect on your feelings. Should you find it difficult to resolve these feelings on your own,don’t hesitate to reach out. Instructions for contacting me can be found on the main page.
"My beard merely marks a moment's choice, nothing more. My clothes, simple expressions of my taste. My story and words, just whispers to a soul, sharing nothing but a journey shared."
This search, though relentless and exhaustive, ultimately led me to a profound realization: everything I sought was already within my grasp.